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what to be aware of when divorcing your spouse

Keeping Your Resolve During A Difficult Divorce

21 April 2015

Joy Johnson

Marriage probably isn't a commitment you take lightly. Making the decision to divorce may have been one of the toughest things you have ever done. It could be that it wasn't initially your idea, but you realized eventually that it is something you should go ahead with for your own peace of mind, happiness, or safety. There are some factors that could weaken your resolve, so you will want to prepare for them.

Dealing With Manipulation

If your soon-to be ex is the crazy-making sort who has a habit of:

• Changing things around and blaming,
• Rationalizing,
• Forgetting promises and agreements,
• Explaining things away,
• Doing things in a passive-aggressive fashion,
• Lying,
• And Arguing,

so that you can't think straight, you will want to consider carrying a notebook to jot down things in front of them to remind yourself of what was actually said or agreed upon. If you faithfully record these incidents, you can review them when you feel like wavering.

Dealing With Lack of Necessities

A lawyer such as Bahan Law LLC can give you advice on what records to get, to help you get your fair share of the marital assets and child support if you have custody of the children. Still, you may wonder how you are going to make it, especially if you have been out of the workforce for some time. Here are some things you might try:

• Start a page at a fund-me type website. If you had to leave suddenly due to domestic abuse or child abuse of your children, this may help you get enough money to start over.
• Check and see if there is a state fund to help you in your situation.
• Consider going back to school. You may be eligible for financial aid to cover tuition and your living expenses. Plus, you can apply for campus housing.
• Go to your local community center and get a list of charities and food banks that can help you get by. Many charities will help you with a rent payment, utility bill, or supplies for a baby.
• Go to a shelter. Besides helping you be safe, shelters have case workers who can direct you to other valuable community resources.
• Go to your state's employment center. Often they have short-term computer or job skill training that will help you start a new career. Some states will even pay for you to take a class at a local community college for such things as EMT or pharmacy tech training, etc.

Dealing With Loneliness, Fear and Insecurity.

Unfortunately some of your friends and relatives may be less than supportive of you during this difficult time. It can be difficult to deal with your own feelings of inadequacy or even guilt (whether appropriate or not). This is a good time to seek counseling for yourself (and your children), if you haven't done so already. A therapist can help you to figure out ways to feel more supported.

Your community or local university may have a clinic that has a sliding scale fee that would make it more affordable for you if things are tight. Most employers have an EAP (Employment Assistance Program) where you could access some short-term counseling and other helps.

You may find emotional support through:

• Embracing spirituality and your relationship with your higher power.
• Joining a new church.
• Getting closer to friends and relatives that are willing to spend time with you and also help in other ways.
• Joining a support group for divorced people.

While you shouldn't make your kids into your personal confidants, spending quality time with them can help, even if you are limited to weekly visitations or weekend overnights. Planning activities like hiking, skating, visiting parks, going to sports events, or doing projects together can help you to feel closer to them. Even a prickly teenager secretly craves your attention and care.

When you are feeling down, it can seem like the bad times will last forever. You have to remind yourself that 'this too is temporary.'

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